“You know, within the last two weeks I’ve had one of the most painful, darkest episodes of my life,” I confessed to Miriam, “but what has been more memorable are the periods of intense harmony and love!”
Miriam asked “You mentioned that you felt very loved, is that what you mean?”
“Well, I suppose that was a starting place, but it’s been much deeper. Like this morning, I was on the deck enjoying the morning breeze and I soon became transfixed with the eager buzz of a bee on the flowers. The eternal harmony and beauty of that simple sight left me in tears! I even lost sense of time, but I suspect that I just sat there glowing for 30 to 60 minutes. The grand feeling that heaven really is within me, and within all of us, was overwhelming and something that I wasn’t even trying for! It was more like heaven was simply taking back its natural place. I had nothing to do, but float and enjoy. And this has happened intensely two or three times a day for the last three days!”
“That sounds wonderful!” Miriam marveled. “Do you have any suggestions for someone to experience that for themselves?”
We both laughed so hard that we had to pause our evening walk and catch our breath.
How It All Started
That is how this dark-to-light story started.
I fell on my head. I don’t have a glorious excuse for why I fell on my head. We were watching a movie at home. I became queasy as my imagination embellished the pain of tsunami survivors in some hospital scenes. I wobbled away to the kitchen sink, careened off the wall, and then fell straight back onto my head.
I don’t remember anything of the next 15 or 20 minutes, but I do remember a pounding headache and both vomiting and diarrhea before an ambulance arrived.
Creating The Pain I Imagined
That’s about it; in one moment I was watching a movie and imagining the intense pain of people in a hospital, in the next moment my body was in intense pain and I was being hauled to the hospital (with tremendous thanks to my family, very caring neighbors and our fantastic medical system).
In short, I quickly recreated what I had imagined. I had a concussion with bleeding on the surface of the brain, plus a small skull fracture near the right ear that caused the inner ear to fill with blood. The head pain seemed to reduce by day three and I was released from the hospital. However, soon my legs were in intense pain as a result of blood spreading into the spinal fluid.
I was forced to acknowledge that there was very little that I could do, except manage the throbbing with pain killers and stay resting on an incline.
Simple household chores were out of question. Even reading books and listening to music were not possible, because my head and hearing did not have the patience for it. I was not sleeping and I was barely eating.
Prayer and Meditation
I concluded that the one satisfying thing that I could do was spend my time in prayer and meditation. I was very grateful for my past spiritual practice, because I recognized that it was not helpful for me to focus on my body. Even trying to fathom what was going on with my body or struggling to figure out what to do about it, would easily become frustration. Trying to sleep was vexing. Further, this whole accident started by my intense attention on physical pain. That seemed a clear signal that I really wanted to reach well beyond the body.
So I relaxed to accept my main responsibility: heal my mind. I would let spirit and the doctors take care of the body. Plus, I’d let pills help with reducing pain and sleeping. Instead of wanting to sleep, my main mantra became
“I want peace. I have peace. I am peace.”
This was not an immediate fix, but it helped to relieve my focus on the body. After a while in this mantra, I felt much more refreshed and even noticed that my body felt more at ease.
Spiritual Practices That Helped
There were many other spiritual practices that also helped. Further to Miriam’s question about what suggestions I might have, these three ideas stood out for me:
1. Feeling Deep Appreciation
Many times per day I reviewed and appreciated all the loving and caring people around me. I kept all the cards, phone messages and fondly reviewed even the smaller gestures of caring. I had a naturopathic doctor friend and neighbor who came out of bed to help. I had many old friends contacting us. I appreciated immensely the patient and professional help of all the medical staff. This was hugely moving and it led me to mention to Miriam that I felt very loved.
2. Allowing What Is
I did my best to allow, even the aching. If I felt frustration at my situation, judgments of me for creating it, or even fear that some symptoms may last long, then my basic response became
“Even this is okay. I choose to be at peace with this process. There must be a grander purpose for this, because it is the way it is.”
3. Remembering My Divine Nature
Again and again, I reminded myself
“I remain as God created me, eternal Spirit, one with God.”
And often, with tears of joy:
“Father, into your Love I give my life!”
At first, it was very hard to keep my focus on such prayers or affirmations. However, with sincere intention it was becoming habitual. Although my main focus was to heal my mind, I was also grateful that my body responded peacefully and quickly.
By two weeks, when those feelings of harmony and love were flooding, it felt like I did not have to try so hard. Something much bigger than my individual, cognitive mind was taking over. The love and peace simply swept me up and carried me. It reminded me of a line from A Course in Miracles, Chapter 6 – The Lessons of Love: Be Vigilant Only For God And His Kingdom which says:
“The final step will still be taken for you by God.”
Finally, I understood this.
No matter how far we have fallen, we will have help rising again. Our part is to ask for it and to believe in it. Be in peace.
So, what do you think of these ideas? Leave a comment below and Howard will offer $100 off either his latest program Grab Life by the Heart or his coaching package to the first 5 people to respond. Thanks.
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